So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
