And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
