one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize