so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
