K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
