I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just invented taco cereal.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
