I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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