I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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