Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
