Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
