those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
