Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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