Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
