All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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