Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
