This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
