I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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