Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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