the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize