Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize