I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
