I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
