"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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