i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
