apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
