I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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