My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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