I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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