Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ttyl tear gas
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
