Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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