Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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