I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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