Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
