I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am one with the molecules
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
