dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize