I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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