The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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