We're facebook friends in real life
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
