is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
