you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
