she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
only you would photoshop your dick
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im just a social blackout drinker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
