i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My ATM looks so different sober.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
