she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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