Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
