I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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