Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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