took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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