he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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