I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
