I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
