I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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