thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
