i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
