Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
