i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
