I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i will never coherently bang her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
