I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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