I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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