Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize