i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
