Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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