I think I died a long time ago.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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