she pinky promised me she was 18
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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