Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this just has baby written all over it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize