I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
