There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
