the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
